My Thoughts II By Murs

Hundreds of little babbling voices in my head.
All wrestling for my span of attention.
Each one bringing his argument forth.
To convince me of why his idea aught to become alpha thought.

Its a melting pot rift with would be thoughts.
Inner demons stir up the concoction.
Not satisfied still, they fill it up some more.
Till the contents spill over. In doing so, impeding my speed of talk.
Faster and faster I speak, becoming pressed for thought.

That’s why my dialect comes across as hasty and incoherent.
For my thought pot simmers with a million ingredients.
So I’m trying to serve you a million opinions.
As I think and deliver them through a single medium.

In the end everything which I say makes no sense.
Just random sentences devoid of a specific point of reference.
Although I know what I’m getting at,
I can never seem to verbally at it, if that makes sense.

As a result, Frustration bubbles on the inside.
An allergic reaction from failing to be concise.
The harder I try,
The more frustrating it becomes, as a slave to a vexed mind.

Nobody understands me!!

Frustration itself and frustration of self boils over into manic anger,
From passive aggression.
Mutating into a grenade-esque temper.
Just a slip of a finger away from mass disaster.
Weather intentional or accidental.

Once the manic mind seizes control,
The mind slips on itself and in doing so- Looses its firm footing in reality.
Jumping head first into the murky bottle of impulsivity.
Or is that the bottle of liquor…

Like a werewolf transforming before the silent stillness of night.
Wailing and gnashing his teeth before the glare of the moonlight.
Drunken savage and violent.
Liquor bottle in tow as he hunts in the darkness, filled with the rage that bubbles on the inside

Dedication

Alone in the darkness, walking into hell
Bottle in hand, hood masking my face
It’s been another long evening in waiting
To write poems that no one will ever read
I’ve been so alone facing these dark trials
So close to suicide, I see the light fading away
When an angel grabbed me firmly by the hand
Red hair flowing, crimson smile enveloping me
With loving words spewing from her mouth
Lightening my mood with every word she speaks
Her wings, shielding me from my cruel reality
She knows where I’ve been. The dark temptations
She doesn’t care though, she’s been there too
Listening to my pathetic problems daily
A task she should never have agreed to uphold
The bottle runs empty and fills with my tears
Yet she still holds me close in my darkest of days
No pain, no criticism, only peace of mind
Like a drug, instant euphoria emerges
For a single minute, I feel real again, no longer a lie
I know I’m not alone in fighting these demons
Two souls with one goal, Make it the to morning light
She has taught me to not fear others and their opinions
Open myself up, and let the cold world see who I really am
She has given me a gift beyond comprehension,
Something worth more than just money and fancy things
Nothing tangible, I received the gift of comfort
Something my weary soul has finally experienced
Every write has her every whim on my mind
Miles away, yet she feels so goddamn near
Opened herself a place in this small heart
Why she has done all this I will never know
I’m not worthy, not by a fucking long shot
I belong in the gutter. Dirt. Filth. Grime. Trash.
Yet she has taken me and made something beautiful
A shining work of art, displayed so proudly
Given me purpose, inspired to write once again
Thank you is just two words too simple alone
So I hope this can begin to express my gratitude
For you my truest friend, this is your dedication  

xoxo

Letter To My Countrymen

I point my finger
To whom it may concern
Ignorant descendants of the sword
Origin of civilisation Started well
but ended in hell
The mystery of a black world
drowning in its own blood
How many more mistakes will you make?
Yesterday was dark and scary
And so is today
Cries of  the babies you’ve slain
Rise like symphonies from hades
Labelled them an abomination
Sacrificed them on a market day
Maiden mothers molested
Stigmatised and rejected
And now you think the gods have forgotten
All the evils you did in their name
Selfish desires turned into law
Merciless faceless men
Warriors with no guts
When the time of trials came
You melted like wax
Slaves’ what you became
Your gods fled
Your warriors bled
Shrines devastated
its priest laid dead
God bless your sleeping monarchs
Who sold their birthrights for a plate of rice
Traded their dominion to become allies
That’s when your life ended
A new one began
Alas in this you’re no better than a slave
And you have to live as instructed
All your heritage hitherto
A rubbish ridicule’s made out of them
Now don’t blame the stranger
Who was driven by the need to survive
Who knew what you thought was useless
Who fulfilled the cause of humanity to the fullest
He conquered nature and made a path
Squandered your own and saved what he got
Asked you to sleep but never laid on his back
Always moving ahead but “trying” to bridge the gap
He taught you his ways
Brought you hope of better days
Soon you thought to yourself
“Now I know, Let the stranger go”
Your ignorance is your demon
It brought you down from grace
If you were wise you’ll learn with the sincerity of purpose
The selfless service way
But you didn’t
So now you move in a zigzag motion
Tossed around like a canoe in a raging ocean
Your system’s in crisis
Your leaders are clueless monarchs
Who knows nothing but accumulation
And pay lip service to the ugly situation
Your children proceed in confusion

With no ambition of doing better than their fathers
Just like their fathers never dreamed of correcting the mistakes of their own fathers
Mistakes upon mistakes
They ignore national stakes
And wrestle over national cakes
Yet having no idea on how to bake
No one knows how to make
They only know how to take
They teach redundancy
Propagate dependency
And on a given day
They celebrate independence
And merry when they should be weeping
Hold festivities when they should be mourning
It is a gradual process of a slow death
Its amazing how no one can see it coming
No world can be free of problems
But woe unto a world that’s stuck in the problems of yesterday
Please admit that you’re blind
So that you can make efforts to see
Stop fooling around with mighty dreams
When you’re still a victim of simple things
You’re black doesn’t mean you should be in darkness
You’re suffering because of your laziness
You stopped to till the soil
Because you found a way to drill the soil
Make so much and share the spoils
Tell lies to a gullible people apathetic and dumb
who honour and adore people they should execute
Call me foolish
Call me a verbal brute
This is no time to garnish
I only tell the truth
You are no better than your fathers
Who sold your brothers for mirrors and a bottle of gin
For today you starve your people to buy fancy things
Then wander about like a one-eyed king
In a kingdom of blind men
Driven by greed to ignore the people’s needs
You sow discord to camouflage your sin
Spill innocent blood and shed phony tears on the screen
But behind the scene
You and your evil cohorts celebrate your win
You call the disaster you create a way forward
Your victims are poor unfortunate souls of wayward leaders
It goes on and on
A steady progress in error
Leaving me with nothing but this question on my mind…
How many more mistakes?

What Do You Believe In?

I wonder
Who do you believe in? I know it isn’t me
I hope it isn’t a priest or who you see on TV
I hope it isn’t your father, partner, he only raised you
And I know it isn’t your mom, even though that’s who you came through
I’m asking who you pray to, some believe in angels
Some believe in one God, some believe in Jesus
Some believe in all of it, and I don’t mean a part of it isn’t true
I know that someone started it, and I know it isn’t you
The creator of them blue skies
The great blue sea, or hey me, a cool guy
Who few relate to, like, I’m confused too, what is it you do
What does a black man in Iran who’s never heard of Jesus choose?
And who do you choose, the heart said the youth, the mind said the truth
The blind led the blind here to heaven with a sign saying ‘I choose you’
But left you behind, like no one can explain it
It’s like one religion can’t contain it
And I’m the man that’s trying to change it, I just want answers
Live no cameras, fuck the propaganda
Many souls stranded cause they took a book for granted
Some planted seeds to feed the mind peace over greed
I just keep the truth that I read
World on their knees while their innocence bleeds
And you keep funding wars with money from your source
The shame is all ours, but God, I’m all yours, save me
Before the doors close and them horns blown
And I’m alone in my grave thinking maybe
I should’ve prayed more for peace, love, and unity
Between you and me, no matter who you choose to be
Pops telling me that, the christians won’t make it
And the christians telling me my pops won’t make it
Yet they both praise Him, night and day raise His Name
Until the day he came back to claim them
Is one gonna save them? And another take them? Doubt it
They telling me I shouldn’t live without it
Belief, relief for the doubters, it keeps me clouded
Confused while I’m doing the knowledge, but my God said choose
I choose you, who do you choose?
I hope it ain’t me, cause I’m just a poet

My Thoughts

Rage, anger, sadness, wailing, unstable
My mind is troubled
Stare with smile and laughter
Does that signify that you are happy?

Buckled my expectations up, lotta promises
At the end, all I get it ‘oh! Nigga forget it
What could be more disappointing..
When my mama knew her big son couldn’t apprehend nothing..

There I’ll sit…head against the wall
Thinking of how I’ll never fail nor fall
Pops pressure, momma pleading
But inside of me..I’m tearing apart and bleeding

Dudes I call my friends..all I see is sly in them
Smile with you and say shii at your back
But still I got niggaz I almost trust
Like they got my back

Loving and losing is sweet and bitter
Overtime I haven’t taken a step to move on
Like Alicia…I have been sleeping with a broken heart
Fuck shady past!

Sexy girls, sweet sex, naked ones are not absent
Dream cars, success, abode with nice musk scent
Fancy suits, riches..abundant Blessings

Wish writing this would put a stop to all my thoughts
Even in prayers…my thoughts never seize to stop
Then I’ll be fighting in silence to silent my mind
Hoping my prayers are heard by Him, The most High

Murder Murder Kill Kill

I don’t usually use those big words
Cause I don’t usually deal with big people
I find you can get a whole lot of small people
And whip hell out of a whole lot of big people

Murder murder  kill kill
Cannibals walk the earth and get ill blood spill
Eyes sunk deep in their skull their bone chill
Few for survival, most for the thrill

Terrorism is the war of the poor
Hold up a mirror so the script get flipped
Cause when it’s in reverse it ain’t wrong no more
Warfare is the terrorism of the rich

Who’s the true guerrilla
When the bomb on your body killing innocent civilians
But a life is a life and a killer is a killer
You’re at a desk chilling, push a button kill a million

See the anguish of the parents
When they’re carrying the body of the baby that they cherish
When innocent people perish
It’s a very thin line between a soldier and a terrorist

Murder murder kill kill
Death and destruction, a cap get pealed
Harm or heal, destroy and rebuild
Shots still ring out, the blood still spill

All the way live and every night the bullets flying
Even if you ain’t dying you a traumatized survivor
When you grow up in a climate of overriding violence
You will never get beyond it, it’s always alive inside you

And death just surrounds you
Fallen classmates’ ghosts haunt you
Crime just calls you cause you look at what you walk through
Ain’t certain if you’ll make it, ain’t sure you even want to

Every time a leader tries to stand up for our freedom
Someone claps them with the heater their brain and back leaking
A shame their family grieving the only way to see them
Is a displaced dream displayed in a museum

They haven’t got anything to lose
And they’ve got everything to gain
And they’ll let you know in a minute
It takes two to tango. When I go, you go

They only Murder Murder Kill kill

Ballad Of Pro-Life Abortion

 

Living in this endless cocoon,

I’ve never seen the outside world.

My eyes are yet to open,

All alone in this big bad womb.

The walls of my prison are growing closer and closer by the day,

I must escape soon…………….

 

Thank you mummy, I know daddy won’t be around to see me

But I’m scared, outside I hear voices,

Of you speaking to a man,

Saying “I’m not ready for this”

I won’t be a burden, but a gift,

A gift to life, I promise you mummy.

 

But what is this?

A hand wrapped in latex, a lot bigger than my own.

Feeling around inside of you,

It is carrying some sort of needle,

I don’t know what is happening but I don’t like it.

 

Now the needle is inside of me and I’m starting to drift in and out of consciousness.

Please don’t hurt me.

You haven’t met me yet mum,

And now you’re going to let the man kill me?

I don’t know what I have done, but it must have been bad to deserve this,

At only 5 weeks old and no experience of the real world.

 

My mind is clouded in darkness and I can’t think anymore,

I’m so sorry mother for what I have done,

But aborting me even after I can think for myself,

How can you have decided to make a judgement like that?

 

“I feel the greatest destroyer of world peace today is ‘Abortion’, because it is a war against the child…… A direct killing of the innocent child, ‘Murder’ by the mother herself… And if we can accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we persuade her with love… And we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts…” – Murs

 

LETTER TO DEATH

Let me start off this letter saying I don’t like you
Scared of you, but I will fight you
I stare at the ceiling and think about you
Curiosity killing me, thinking of when I would meet you

You introduced yourself to so many others, mothers, sisters and brothers
Children and babies, drive me crazy, I wonder
why you love people that love people that do right?
Is it rocket science to you, or is it just your type?

One of my biggest fears
is waking up four in the morning and gotta hear you met one of my peers
Or maybe a family member that you thought was cool
Or maybe a person that I’ll never meet cause of you
You! son of a bitch!! And I wish you never visited my father
And I swear I’d blow your brains out if you paid me a visit
But that’s not realistic, cause you’ll never write

I gotta live my life with the hurt
of knowing that you’re everlasting, dwelling upon the masses
of the earth, fatal assassins snatch your bodies
Probably, on my notepad as I write
Why the fuck you wanna take my life?

sooner or later,I’m tired and weary and my gray hairs are not in my favor                            so when i write on this paper, its real talk                                                                                 But I would still send this letter off P.O Box                                                                              And when you get it                                                                                                                  Please take it personal                                                                                                            Because it is personal

It’s everywhere, the streets, the corners
The coroners, the morgues
Cemeteries, hospitals
Heard about him when I was little
Tomorrow’s not promised
Cause any day he can be knocking at your front door
War, genocide, homicide
Suicide, all coincide
Signed and sealed by the living
Make it, don’t take it 

So Lonely Alone

So lonely alone am I
My soul’s lonesome in the crowd of loneliness
It sounds sad and lonely
Hiding loneliness alone
The lonely lone alone

Lonely is a single traveller
On a dark and winding road.
Lonely is the burden
Of carrying a heavy load.

Lonely is a beautiful song
That no one’s ever heard,
And lonely is the wait for death
For a broken winged bird.

Lonely is the emptiness
Inside my hollow soul,
And lonely is the sound of the wind
Blowing through its gaping hole.

Loneliness is second only
To the darkened void of death
And loneliness is taking
That ‘Right’ to Hell
When I should have made a ‘Left’.

Lonely is the sound
Of a lonesome infant
Who sadly cries in vain,
And lonely is his addict mother
Shooting poison in her veins.

Lonely is the boy
Who will never become a man
And lonely is the brink of disaster
Upon which I know I stand.

Lonely is the poem
Which has gone on long enough
And lonely is the sympathisers
Who say I’ve, ‘had it rough’.

Lonely is my life
Lived without family or friend
And lonely is the last word of this poem
Because it’s always at the…
…End.

Eulogy

The emotions that one goes through, over a loss of a loved one
Or friend then, knowing the cost of rebuilding and carrying on
It gets so damn hard in this modern day Babylon
And disease runs rampant, so many men carry arm
So many have a lonely painful road to travel on
Mothers losing sons, improper use of guns
Children go astray because their parents were abusive ones
I used to run with the illest guys
Through the realest eyes
I’ve seen the realest and the illest die
The cycle continues, so many times the good ones
The young ones
So many misunderstood ones
Remembering their faces and voices
And when the wise man said
Life is full of choices
Some get caught up, others are innocent victims
All I know is they were close to us, and that we miss them. R.I.P Mr Adeshina M. Olatunji (1966 — 2013). We love you